its been a long time and its time to step back, pause for a moment, think about what you had gone through, and what should be your next step.
i had gone through in life a damaged family institution, i have failed in my master studies, i have failed to secure a good job with good remuneration, i have failed in my relationship, i have failed as ALLAH’s servant.
what I’ve learn in those circumstances?
- that money can’t pleased anyone if they really don’t like you, even your own mother. stop trying. the harder you try, the more hurts you get. you know their love for you is all fake when you stop giving money to them. you are no longer their favorite, or even not really their favorite all these times. what you can do is get back to GOD, as for only HE could spare you the real happiness.
- friends will remains friends until you down. when you are at your lowest point, you will see who is your real friend, and who is only pretend to be your friend. quantity is not important. 2-3 true friends is better than 50 fake friends. you’ll see, true friends will plays important role to bring you up and never left you behind.
- that GOD’s gifts can come in thousand ways. not because you don’t have enough money, do not secure fancy office jobs, means that ALLAH already forget you, NO. HE took most of what i used to have, but HE also did replace it with something bigger and better. last time when I earn thousands of ringgit every month, how many times I afford to stay in a hotel? but now, even i did not earn that much as last time, I lived a luxury life. a life that normal office people out there can’t afford it everyday. i can’t see all this until I ready to let go all things and accept my current fate. SUBHANALLAH, ALHAMDULILLAH, ALLAHUAKBAR!
- i have also learnt, that mistakes you did today, will haunt you down for the rest of your life. you already messed up early stage of your life, and it affects you now. so you have to stop doing something stupid, something sinful, so that you can guarantee a peaceful future of you. but still, past sins still have to repent and redeem. at the same time try to avoid same mistakes again and again.
- that fancy job can’t guarantee your happiness. last time you earn thousands of ringgit every month, but are you happy with your job? in a month how many times you fell ill? compare with now, when is the last time you had MC? you should be grateful, not regret. you lived a better life than before. you just need to see it as a whole. forget your frustration, let it go. have a peaceful heart. redha. don’t think about frustration and it will definitely go. all the hurts, all the pains that you feel, don’t keep it in your chest. open a door, and let it go. let your self free. don’t punish your body and mind with the burden of yesterday, because you deserve the happiness of today and the future.
what I want to do?
- i really wants to continue back my study in Master level. but still thinking on what major should i decide to take. i wants IT, agriculture, and pre-historic. but still can really decide which one as a final. plus my financial is not stable for me to do as a full time.
- i wants to learn to dance. i wants to enroll in dance class.
- i wants to pursue my badminton talent. i wants to stay active.
- i wants to work at overseas, or highland place. if can’t go to the overseas, Cameron highland would do 😉
- i wants to cleared up all my debts.
- i wants to have a healthy skin and an ideal body weight. i wants to look good and feel good.
- i wants to learn programming. i wish to have my own apps product in a future.
- i wants to buy a piece of land in bahau, kuala pilah or juasseh. i wants to plants and gardening. durian, kelapa, mangoes. i want to have my own orchard.
i don’t really dreams on fancy lifestyle with big house and big car and luxury outfits, NO. i just wants to live peacefully and happily. i really like bukit area. a place with cold and fresh air and windy.
done on what i’ve gone through, and what i want in future. the rest i leave it to ALLAH swt. i hope HE will grant my wish. INSHA ALLAH. AAMINN..